rules.

http://rulesforthesouthernlady.tumblr.com/tagged/rules_every_Southern_young_lady_should_live_by/chrono

 

 

 

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is.

“There is no authority on love. Love is such an intimate notion and to be in love is beyond description.”

-KL

 

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I am not surprised

you are 55 years old.  if at this point you cant follow the simple instructions that a 19 year old who oversee’s your work give you, I think I can sincerely say with all honesty, you are fucked up.

fucking idiots.  you would think that the government would hire people with a little wee bit more sense.  guess not.  FML

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things my ex-boyfriend(s) taught me

1. always smile, everyone looks better when they smile

2. you dont need makeup to make you look good

3. minimal

4. everyone looks better when they stand up straight with butt out

5. quit slouching

…or maybe they were just lying

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lost-dazed-confused-whatever–

somedays it is just so damn easy.

most days I act as though the last two years never happened.  I dont think, I dont remember, I just do the things that I have to do for that single day and get on with it.  But even those days are tough.  Feel this, feel that.. all of it seems wrong.  I’m so lost.  Every single morning walking isnt walking — it’s treading through a sea of jello.  Menial tasks seem so much harder yet my shoulders are lighter.  Could this be freedom?  Or is this the daze that I have condemned myself to having lost one.

I wish.  I wish there was a manual, some sort of guidance to lead me though all this.  Life is not meant to be spent doubting oneself.  Yes, actions do define a single person but does it define a whole person?

I dont know what I’m saying.  blah blah blah

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want to be your everything.

I think that I may be hiding out for a while.  Christian just came over to talk.  He wanted to make sure we had laid all our cards out on the table and that we were sure of what was going on.  Nothings changed.  We’ve arrived at the same conclusion as before and nothing has been re-enforced but the failure of our love.  All I can do now is try to forget.  I know that that isnt the correct action but its the easiest.  Forget about his kisses.  Forget about his hugs.  Forget about the warmth that emits from that nook between his neck and shoulders.  Forget about his hairy legs and scratchy beard.  Forget about his smell.  Forget about holding his hand.  Forget Forget Forget Forget Forget Forget Forget Forget For I know that in the end, this is the best.

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should probably..

be sleeping but whatever.  I’ll pass out in another minute anyways.

Ive just been waiting and waiting and waiting and preparing myself in the most insignificant ways for this next five months.  Today just was just beginning.  Wake up at 4:20 AM, out at the bus stop by 5:20AM, at school by 6:30AM, out of school by 2PM, in Richmond by 3PM then its work, playoffs, friends, boyfriend, family and work.  FML.  At least Im getting paid $18/hour for it.. too bad it’s going straight to my bills.

Fack.  There are so many things to do and even more on my mind but I cant just seem to combine it all and get things done.  Just pieces of what is required floating into corners of my mind and nibbling away at my peace.

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